Over the last few months, I have been thinking that perhaps I am sabotaging my recovery and, in turn, my life.
Sabotage is defined as deliberately destroying, damaging, or obstructing something.
Even though I know what I need to do in order to move forwards and break free from anorexia and self-harm, I keep taking measures which mean that I remain trapped. I often feel like I am getting in the way of what I need to do.
This can be knowing that a certain thought or rule needs challenging but not bothering to challenge it so that it remains and anorexia still has a foot in the door. This can be knowing that I need to talk to people and socialise more to help me feel happier and more connected but still avoiding partaking in social activities. This can be wanting more food and knowing I need it but not allowing myself to eat. This can be knowing I need to get rid of the things I use to self-harm but keeping them “just in case”. This can be resolving to change but not putting the work in so that I actually do change.
It’s knowing what you should do but deliberately obstructing our progress by not doing that thing. Although, sometimes, the act of sabotage is subconscious because it has become automatic.
You will know if you are getting in the way of doing the things you want or need to do.
Whilst I keep noticing that I am self-sabotaging, I have not really been doing anything about it.
It might seem obvious that to stop sabotaging my recovery, I should do the things I know I’m not doing. But it isn’t that simple.
Here are some ideas I have found about how to stop getting in your own way.
It is important that we understand self-sabotage and recognise what self-sabotage can look like as many of us do engage in self-destructive behaviours that have become habits and we don’t always realise they are self-destructive.
We should also try to identify the root causes of these behaviours. Often self-sabotage stems from a lack of belief in ourselves so we should also set aside some side for self-reflection.
This is tough to do and we might discover things we didn’t want to acknowledge about ourselves but it can be very useful and helpful for us.
Firstly, recognise your typical thinking patterns; are they largely positive or negative, optimistic or pessimistic?
Once you know this you can work on gradually making changes to help you be more positive and less likely to get in your own way.
Then you can work on doing other things to help you make progress in doing things that help you rather than hindering you.
Try to prioritise one-off actions such as sorting a bank statement or making that difficult phone call to help reduce your stress over time as these things won’t keep being pushed back and create anxiety or unwanted issues in your life. Or, for me, this might be getting rid of the things I use to self-harm so that I no longer have that option.
When making decisions, use a rule of thumb so that the decision become less overwhelming and stressful. It will also help you to come to the decision that is in your better interests.
Change will not always be noticeable immediately; it often happens very gradually. If perfectionism is holding you back, looking at the incremental changes can be a big step. You may not be perfect at stopping self-sabotage but maybe you have made a small improvement and this is progress. Not everything in life will be perfect.
You know yourself best and so it is very helpful to develop strategies to help you to combat avoidance or/and procrastination which are very common ways of self-sabotaging your attempts to do things. Setting goals and giving yourself small rewards can be useful and help you to feel a sense of achievement.
This will also help you to practice acceptance and self-care which are very important as many self-sabotaging actions stem from self-hatred or a lack of self-belief.
Self-sabotage does not have to accompany you throughout your life. It can be minimised but it will require some work on your part. As with everything, nothing changes if nothing changes.
New Leaves 